You're too exposed!

Yesterday my mother took me out for lunch for my birthday.  Now, my birthday was January 4th, so it was a little late, but that's ok.  A friend came with us and, of course, I had Bug.  We went to a Mexican restaurant in town and most of the lunch was very pleasant.  We chatted, we ate, Bug sat in a high chair and played for the very first time.  Then, while we were getting ready to leave, there was an incident.

Our friend excused herself and Bug started to reach for me and fuss.  I was wearing a tank top with a long sleeve button up over it and open.  I picked up Bug and got settled to feed her.  Wearing a tank top, it was easier to take my breast out from the top rather than lift up my shirt from the bottom.  Because of this, most of my chest was bare.

As I am siting there, feeding my child and minding my own business, my mother says, 'You are really too exposed like that.'  Huh???  Up to this point, she has been very supportive of my breastfeeding Bug, I was breastfed myself until I was two.  I could not believe what I was hearing.  Too exposed???  Who says something like that to a woman who is feeding her child?

I responded as politely as I could.  The exchange went like this:

Her:  You are really too exposed like that.
Me: No, I'm not.  The baby is covering everything.
Her: Yes, you are.  Your chest is exposed.
Me:  I am feeding my child, as is my right.  I am not flashing people.
Her:  You don't have to get defensive.
Me:  I think I do, I have a right to feed my child anywhere I happen to be.
Her:  Yes, and I have a right to express my opinion.
Me:  No, you don't.  Not when it violates my right and my child's right to eat.
Her:  Yes, I do.

At this point Bug finished eating and was fussing to sit up, then our friend came back and the conversation was finished.  I was fuming and chatting with our friend, but I wasn't going to bring it up again.  As we were leaving, my mother apologized and said she shouldn't have said anything.  I told her, 'no, you shouldn't have, but thank you for apologizing.'

I am still pretty pissed about this and let me explain why.  Barring the fact that family should be the most supportive of our parenting decisions, even though they rarely are, and the fact that as someone who breastfed her child, my mother should be supportive, this interaction could have done far more damage.  I am a very strong willed person, so one little comment is not going to deter my from breastfeeding, but what if I wasn't?  What if I had been getting dirty looks every time I was out and had to feed my child?  Might this one comment from someone who should support me 100% pushed me to give up something that is very important to my child's health, as well as my health?  It very well could have.  One comment could have destroyed the breastfeed relationship between me and my child because who wants to be ridiculed?  Certainly not me.

Fortunately, I am going to breastfeed no matter what anyone says, family or not, but I might not have been the only person harmed by this interaction.  What if a young mother or mother-to-be had been sitting at the next table?  Someone who was undecided on breastfeeding, or who had just started and was struggling.  Maybe that person heard what my mother said and thought, 'If she doesn't even have the support of her mother, is it worth it?  Why should I even try if that's how people will treat me?'

Granted, this probably didn't happen, but it could have.  Do we ever think of how our words effect others?  Not the people we are talking to, but the people who may overhear.  What if one overheard sentence could be the deciding point for some important decision someone is making?  What if that one thing we said effected someone we would never meet in a very large and significant way?  Shouldn't that alone make us stop and think before we speak?

One or more breastfeeding relationships could have been destroyed by my mother's unsupportive and discriminatory comment.  Hopefully, no one was greatly effected by her statements.  As for me and Bug, we are still going strong and breastfeeding on demand, no matter where we are.  We support breastfeeding and in order to support breastfeeding, there can be no stipulations.  If you say, I support breastfeeding, but...than you don't support it.  Keep that in mind the next time you talk to a mother or see a mother breastfeeding her child.  Instead of dirty looks and nasty comments, make eye contact and smile.  You never know how beat down that mother may be feeling, how on the verge of giving up she may be.  Just like your negative words or looks can impact a stranger, so can words of encouragement and smiles.  We must support our breastfeeding mothers 100%.