We don't spank little girls

There's a story my mother likes to tell about a spanking I received when I was little.  We didn't spank in my house and I knew it, but on this day I had done something, something neither of us remembers, but something that warranted a spanking. I had seen my cousins and friends be spanked, so I knew what it was, but I also knew my parents didn't do it.

What ever I had done, my mother decided it was time for a spanking and had me stand against the wall.  I don't remember most of this, but I can guess at the emotions I was feeling.  It probably started with happiness, as I was a happy child.  Then I would have moved onto confusion, not understanding what was about to happen.  Finally, I would have settled on fear.

As I stood there, my face turned to the wall, not knowing what to expect and afraid, mother smacked me.  I'm sure it didn't hurt, but that didn't matter.  I turned around, with tears running down my face, slid down the wall, and said 'We don't spank little girls.'  As I'm sure you can imagine, this broke my mother's heart.  She cried, I cried, I'm sure she apologized, and she never spanked me again.

Now, before you get the wrong idea, my mother doesn't like to tell this story as a joke or to embarrass me, as some parents tell stories of 'whippings' they dealt.  Instead, she tells this story to explain her reasoning behind not believing in spanking.

So what is this post really about?  It's about spanking and why we don't do it.  My mother never could have guessed that would be my reaction, but it was.  I never want my child to look at me like that or be afraid of me and that is what happens.  Rarely do parents spank with the intent to abuse.  It is usually done because it is seen as an acceptable form of punishment.

Many parents say, 'I was spanked and I turned out fine.' Maybe this is true, but ask yourself this: Do you want your children to just be fine?  I would rather my child be excellent, be happy, be everything in life that they can be and that they want to be.  This is what I am striving for in my family and spanking won't get us there.

Considering current statistics, 100% of inmates convicted of a violent crime were spanked.  Does that mean that everyone who is spanked will become a violent offender?  No, of course not, but remember that violence begets violence.  What do you want to see in the world?  Personally, I want to see peace and love and happiness.  To do my part, I will begin at home.  I will raise my child with love and respect, not fear and threats.  I will raise my child to know that she is loved, unconditionally, and nothing she will ever do will cause me to lash out and hurt her intentionally.  I'm sure we will both make mistakes in this journey, but we will acknowledge them and move on, constantly learning and striving to do better.  We will continue to learn on the way because, as Maya Angelou said, when we know better, we do better.